February 15, 2006 05:30 PM
What I Learned About Teens This Weekend
On Super Bowl Sunday, my home was invaded by eight teenagers. Well, actually it was invaded by seven. One of them lives here (my daughter) so I guess I can't accuse her of invading her own home.
Anyway...I learned a few things that night about these hormonal, loud, soda-drinking, pizza-loving creatures that night:
1. Teenage boys can really scarf down pizza. And they don't need a plate, a napkin, or anything. They just stand over the pizza box and shove it into their mouths.
2. Teenagers do not know street names, even in their own towns. Whenever I try to give directions to my house to a teen, I have to give landmarks ("pass the drugstore, and turn right at the shopping center that has that really good rib place..."). And asking them to write the directions down as you tell them is futile. They aren't going to do it.
3. Most breakups are now done strictly through technology. When your boyfriend or girfriend is breaking up with you, you will receive a text message/AIM message/e-mail from them stating that the relationship is over. It's good for people who are not good at breaking up with someone, and it allows the recipient of the breakup message to save face by crying in private.
4. With their friends, they have few (if any) physical boundaries. Four or five of them will cram onto my small-to-average size couch, and they're all smashed up against each other. Yet when my daughter's little brother is next to her in the car or on the couch, I often hear the complaint "Mooooooooooooooooom! His foot is touching me! Make him stop!"
5. And last but not least, the couples leap apart when I walk into the room, because they think I really don't know what they are doing when I'm not around. Yeah, like I was never a teenager. I'm not going to scream if I see you give your boyfriend a smooch. But have some dignity and don't make out in your friend's house when her parents are home. (Or anywhere else. Ever. If you're one of my kids, that is.)
