March 3, 2006 01:18 PM
Happy Birthday Mom
Today is my mother's 78th birthday. But she doesn't know it. My mother is in the final stages of Alzheimer's Disease, and she doesn't know the year, my name, her name, or where she lives.
Her life is lived inside a very nice, sterile nursing home in Florida. She can't walk anymore, but still has pretty good use of her arms. She can't form sentences, but she can say a few words here and there, and they're sometimes even pertinent to whatever conversation is going on around her. But she can't eat on her own, bathe herself, or tell anyone if she's sleepy or hungry or missing someone or if something hurts.
A lot of people say she doesn't have much of a life right now. They say, in as kind a way as possible, that she'd be better off dead. They just see her pale, tiny body, the vacant look in her eyes, and her inability to function on her own, and think she has no reason to live anymore. But they haven't seen the look on her face when I visit her. Or the way she scrunches up her face in distaste, when I give her a sip of my Diet Coke. And they don't see her eyes fill up with tears when I tell her I have to leave.
I wish they could see all the things I can see. Then they might not say that anymore.
Comments
Happy birthday to your Mom! 78 years is quite an accomplishment. I'm glad you are able to spend time with her. For both your sakes.
Posted by: Tammy at March 3, 2006 02:16 PM
That's messed up. Alzheimers. Your 78th birthday and you're not even conscious to admit it. Still, 78 is quite an accomplishment. Congrats to her!
Posted by: Leon at March 3, 2006 02:49 PM
Okay, this is about the best-looking momblog I've ever seen. Seriously. Kudos! But the anal Virgo in me felt compelled to click on your banner just to tell you that if you're past 40, you're in your fifth decade. (I'll be there too in a couple years, sister.)
Posted by: mom101 at March 3, 2006 02:49 PM
I've been browsing blogs all day through BlogMad, and ... i don't know... your post just kind of brought me up short. I know a few people with Alzheimers, and it's so hard to remember that they might be more alert than you realise. Thanks for reminding me.
Posted by: Chris at March 3, 2006 05:07 PM
My Mom didn't want to live to be where she is now, much like your Mom. After my Dad died she started hiking, rafting and lots of things, to stay young & healthy, so especially sad to see. God bless you.
Posted by: mary at March 3, 2006 08:18 PM
Just surfed in from Blogmad and wanted to say hi and respond to your post. My mum will be 72 this year. She's recovering from a heart attack, a hip replacement and dealing with the fact she has now gone deaf and needs a hearing aid. It never occurs to us in our youth that there will come a time when our mothers wont be there but as we mature and become aware of their getting older too there comes a time when we have to get used to the idea and cherish all the time we have with our mums. What other people think about your mum's condition doesnt really matter. It's the time you have with her that will form your fondest memories when the time comes to say goodbye.
Posted by: Tarragon at March 4, 2006 09:18 AM
Your mother is lucky she has you. So many people don't understand. When I was active in the ministry I used to visit the nursing home every week. Often an attendant would ask why I boter to visit such and such a person since they have no idea what's going on. NUt more often than not when I took that person's hand and started to pray the Lord's prayer that they knew from childhood on the words would come and tears. They were still there.
Posted by: Dr. John at March 4, 2006 01:45 PM
The disease Alzheimer's prevents you from remembering and understanding things as you once used to, right? Your mom suffers from this? I dont think so. She remembers you and smiles when you visit and knows when you leave. She doesnt have a disease if she has you around. You are her cure, and the best birthday gift that she could receive from anyone.
Happy Birthday to her. God bless you.
Posted by: Kaschief at March 4, 2006 04:04 PM
My parents are both gone now and I never had to go through what you 're dealing with. It's got to be really hard. But it sounds like you make your mom very happy and if that's what she remembers, even if only for a while, then that's what really counts.
On a lighter note, your blog is so beautiful and vibrant. I really love it!
Posted by: Izzy at March 4, 2006 09:43 PM
