April 12, 2006 08:49 AM
When Your Babies Aren't Babies Anymore
The day after I graduated from college, I overheard my parents having what seemed to my 22-year-old self to be a strange conversation. They were talking about how their youngest child was now a full-fledged adult, and soon, their nest would be completely empty of their offspring for the first time in more than three decades. My father sat in silence for a long time, and then turned to my mother and said "what now? It's kind of like dying isn't it?"
My mother insisted that it wasn't, but in a way, she was wrong. Part of their lives did die that day. They'd been parents for such a long time, they couldn't figure out how to be anything else. A few weeks later, my parents separated, and a few years after that, their divorce was final. Of course, there were many other factors at play here, but I think the fact that their baby was leaving forced them to examine their lives very closely. They decided they'd be happier apart, and there was nothing holding them in their unhappy union any longer, since I was leaving and moving to another state.
When my oldest child turned 16 yesterday, I remembered that day back in 1986, and I started thinking about milestones in general. I remember feeling sad when my son began kindergarten, and also when he finished elementary school. Like I was to my parents, he is the baby in the family, and his milestones represent the beginning of one stage, but the sometimes-sad end of another. At his fifth grade graduation, I turned to my husband and said "we'll never have another child in elementary school again." Then I realized why so many of the women around me were crying.
So now I am the mother of a 16 year old, and I have no idea how that happened. I am excited for her, because teenagers are so in love with the world, as they explore and learn and grow into adults. I am scared for what she sees everyday, the responsibilities she will soon have, and the world my generation is handing her. And for myself, I feel just a bit of what my father might have felt on the day I graduated. I still have a younger child at home, and I don't really feel like a part of me is dying. But for a moment yesterday, I felt a deep, sad loss. Because my little girl isn't a little girl anymore. And I'll never have one in my house again.
Comments
I'm getting ready to do kindergarten & college this fall- I figure there'll be plenty of tears. but I'm not sure I"m ready for elementary school again. it's alot of work!
Posted by: Karen at April 12, 2006 12:20 PM
L.C. -
What a tearjerker!! I understand completely!! I cried at both of my older daughters' 5th grade graduations. And with a junior in high school, I'm coming up on my first high school one soon. Being a mom is a tough gig!
Posted by: Tammy at April 12, 2006 02:07 PM
I know just what you mean. I cried the day my 13yo son left primary school, he wasn't a little boy anymore, he was growing into a teenager, and ultimately a young man who will leave home. It is a sad moment, an end as well as a beginning.
Love your blog BTW, I often pop by, but have been too shy to post until now.
Posted by: Kate at April 16, 2006 01:55 PM
