July 12, 2006 08:32 PM
Whose Kids Are They, Anyway?
A couple of months ago, my friend's teenage daughter was stopped for speeding and being out 15 minutes after the mandatory midnight curfew (for kids under 18 who are driving, not to or from work) in my area. When my friend got to the scene, the police officer gave him a lecture about how the police in our area are raising the teens. My friend remained quiet and respectful, because after all, his kid did just break the law. But he was pretty offended to hear the officer--who had just met his daughter--claim that he was raising her and the rest of the teens in the county, and hold her up as an example of what happens when parents don't do their job very well.
Although I have the utmost respect for law enforcement, as do my friends, several of us still debated the issues of this story over dinner one night. Most of all, it made me think about what we parents are responsible for, and what is pretty much out of our control. After 16 years of this parenting business, I'd like to think I've laid some nice groundwork for my kids. I urge them to obey the speed limit, refuse drugs and alcohol if offered, work hard in school, be honest, and all the other stuff we parents know will help them succeed later in life, and even just get through their teens a bit more safely. But the truth is, I am not normally in the car with my teen when she drives, so I have no idea if she's speeding or driving dangerously. And I'm not on the bus with my son, so I don't know how he'll handle it if a kid sits next to him one day and offers him some marijuana. So I say a little prayer each day, asking the Big Guy to keep my kids safe, and I ask them lots of questions about their lives. And I worry. And I hope. Boy, do I hope.
Comments
isn't that the best we can hope for? that we've taught them enough to get them through. that father didn't really need the lecture. Some times, some places, the Officers get a 'holier-than-thou" attitude, too. I don't need them treating my kid like a crime suspect if he as just out 15 minutes late.
Posted by: Karen at July 14, 2006 08:25 AM
I agree with the points you are raising that as parents we hope we can lay a solid foundation of what to do and not do esp. in moral areas. But I think as a teen going into an adult - some of it is a "have to learn by experience" learning curve. Sometimes we don't learn just cause someone tells us "that is not a good thing to do" Some teens learn (and I remember I was this way a bit as a teen) by actually sticking our toe in, and learning there is consequenes to our actions.
I do have to say, I went to a friend's house for a dinner party this past year, and as we all said good night at our cars afterward, my host was helping his elderly neighors back across the street to his home, literally holding him by the arm. A young teen girl was driving at a high speed (too high for a residential area) right across their path, practically running them over. My friend jumped in his car (with his elderly neighbor) and they followed her back to her house and as she pulled in her driveway they confronted her as to why she was driving so fast in a residential area. No one yelled at her, or cursed at her, but my friend wanted to remind her that this was a residential area. The girl was defensive and snotty and used cursed words and basically told them in some many words, big deal I don't care what you say. The awesome part, is her father who was home came out into the driveway and lectured her too, including about being disrepectful with her language she used. The was one teen lecture that I have to say, I agree with my friend and I love the way the parent corrected her to, and her attitude and didn't just let her off the hook "cause it was his kid"
Posted by: charmed at July 14, 2006 04:43 PM
That's pretty much all we can do, because kids ultimately have to make their own decisions and some of them are going to be bad. We've all been there. We know how it feels to think we've got our whole lives ahead of us, that "it" only happens to other people and that our parents are so old and uncool that they don't have a clue. So, they have to find out for themselves and face the music.
Posted by: Stacy at July 18, 2006 08:10 AM
