February 28, 2007 02:22 PM
Romancing the Rings
I came across it by accident, when I was searching through some vanity drawers. I'd been looking for the bracelet my husband gave me 12 years ago, at the birth of our son. I found the bracelet, but in the same box was an unexpected surprise: my mother's wedding ring. As I picked it out of the box and slipped it onto my finger, I felt a strange wave of emotion come over me. I sat and stared at the ring for a while, and ran my finger over the hole that was left when a tiny accent diamond fell out many years ago. The rest of the ring--a platinum band with a few small diamonds on it--was a little battered and nicked up, but intact.
I wore the ring around the house all day, and my husband joked that I shouldn't do it, because the ring had "bad juju." He said this, I suspect, because my mother and father's marriage was an unhappy one, ending in a bitter divorce after 30+ years of making each other miserable. They didn't speak for years, even through two of their kids' weddings. But then, something incredible happened. When my mother had a serious stroke, more than 10 years after their divorce, my father came to visit her. At first, the visits had a purpose: insurance papers to sign after a hurricane damaged the house they still jointly owned, and I think I recall a letter for her that had mistakenly been mailed to his address. After that, I believe he'd heard that a mutual friend died, and he came to her home to deliver the news. Then, although there were no "official" reasons for the visits, they continued. After she had a second stroke and became ill, he brought her meals (even cooked them for her) and checked on her daily. Those of us who had witnessed their horrible divorce were stunned: they had actually become friends.
So, now I have their wedding rings (Dad gave he his too, so I could have the set) and I don't know what to do with them. I don't want to wear them because the rings just seem too personal, and they still conjure up some of my own feelings about my parents' divorce. But leaving the rings in a drawer doesn't seem right either. As my father ages (81 last month) and my mother slips further into Alzheimer's each day, I search for a way to have them in my possession in a respectful way. I search. I ponder. And I don't know yet, how to honor the union that created me and my siblings, then fell apart, then got pieced back together. I take the rings out of a drawer sometimes and hold them and look at them, and they remind me that miracles can happen. But sometimes, those miracles take a long time to show up.
Comments
How about displaying them in a shadowbox? You maybe could include a copy of their wedding invitation or announcement. Or pehaps back them with one of your Mom's hankies. Just a thought.
Posted by: Tonja at February 28, 2007 06:47 PM
Beautiful story...I'm glad you were able to witness the healing of your parents' relationship.
Posted by: debra at March 4, 2007 11:50 AM
My first thought was similar to Tonja's. The only other suggestions I might make are to include a photo of them when they rekindled their friendship (to remember them in happier times, in lieu of during the time they were so unhappy) and perhaps something (maybe a poem or essay) that you've written about how you feel about the rings or your parents relationship, to back it with. Your talents there would certainly make the entire shadowbox a more personal and touching item, would help you write out some of those emotional feelings, and would make the keepsake much more of an heirloom for your own kids.
Or maybe I'm just a sentimental shnook.
It is a very sweet story, though. Thanks for sharing it.
Posted by: Tammy at March 6, 2007 09:04 AM
This is a beautiful story. I wish my own parents would have had a happier ending. THei divorced after 18 years of marriage. My mom then remarried a few years later to a mana that played Santa Claus at the local mall. He then dies 3 years after their marriage from lung cancer. This "Santa" had loved my mom so much that she could not take living without him and took her own life years later. To this day I still have her ring and try to remember the good times from it.
Posted by: Engagement Rings at April 24, 2008 03:56 PM
