Goodbye Dylan. Rest in peace. (1999-2008)
I was thinking about the upcoming graduation the other day, and about a few of her friends who won't be there, because they dropped out over the past couple of years. One was from another country and just could never seem to overcome the language barrier; one dropped out because she came from an abusive home and made the choices she felt she needed to make to survive; and a third wanted to work full-time to help his struggling family.
According to this msnbc article, Cities cited for low high school graduation rates, 70 percent of high school students in the U.S. graduate with a diploma on time. But more than a million drop out each year. And there have been plenty of articles published online and in print lately about the drop-out epidemic (as some call it).
How do we fix this problem? Here's a good place to start: Solutions for America offers some ideas on Dropout Prevention.
]]>I think yellow has gotten a bad wrap over the years, and I guess I have contributed to this notion. Being olive-skinned, I always thought yellow was wrong wrong wrong for me, particularly the lighter shades. But this year, I decided to give it a shot, and went for this Cotton Rib Detail Scoop Neck Sweater from Ann Taylor Loft. So far, many people have told me I look good in it. And I may soon snap up this Garden Tote from Three Potato Four, for even a bit more yellow in my closet. It seems I am not the only one giving yellow my attention this season. Check out these features on the Web, celebrating the newfound popularity of yellow in fashion circles:
A few weeks ago, I was speaking with dd (who's 18) about reputations and she said it's quite difficult to get a "bad reputation" in high school these days because no one really cares what you do. I don't really buy this argument, but what do I know? I graduated from high school almost 26 years ago. Perhaps times have really changed. Can a teenage boy who has a lovely girlfriend cheat on her and really have no one think badly of him? I doubt it. And after the teen years, reputation is more complicated. If it all turns out to be true, and who knows at this point, can a teacher who cheats on his wife and has a sexual relationship with a student really ever get his good name back?
I once had a boss who told me my biggest flaw was that I "wanted to be liked and have people think well of me." I looked at her and said, "who doesn't want to be liked? Who would choose to have people think badly of them?" When she turned and flew off on her broom (get it?) I suddenly got it: reputation is a concept that means different things to different people. When I worked for a large corporation, I did want to be liked, and also respected. My old boss didn't care about those things, and as a result, was quite disliked and not respected at all.
According to wikipedia:
Reputation is the opinion (more technically, a social evaluation) of the public toward a person, a group of people, or an organization.
wikipedia also states:
Reputation is known to be a ubiquitous, spontaneous and highly efficient mechanism of social control in natural societies.
Whoa. Social control? I hadn't ever thought of it like that, but it makes sense to me. Either way, I will continue to tell my kids that reputation does matter. Because I still believe that it's tough out there, and sometimes, your good reputation is all you have.
So I went in search of support for my "organized is always better" theory and did find plenty of articles, but was also surprised to find some experts saying the very opposite. In Time's Messy is the New Neat, I read that some people argue that spending lots of time organizing can be counterproductive. And in CBS News' Being Messy Has Its Perks, I learned something I didn't know: that really messy people do actually know where their stuff is, so perhaps to them, the disorder (as we see it) is quite orderly.
So, am I convinced that being neat is a waste of time? No way. Perhaps it's my nature or just my preference, but I'll take a nice, neat room with shoes lined up in a closet and books organized by height over a messy one any day. It just makes me feel better. Life is hard enough, and I always like to know exactly where my new Justin boots, favorite University of Florida pen, and my favorite scissors with the pink handle are, just in case I need them.
Imagine getting laid off from a glamorous, six-figure job, having to change your entire lifestyle drastically, getting screwed out of one new prospect after the next, then really sticking-it-to-the-man by getting your memoir about the whole ordeal published. Apparently, that's what happened to Bitter is the New Black author Jen Lancaster. The result: a hilarious book (if you like sarcasm and mean people) that I am really glad I picked up when I was in the middle of bum-fu**-Georgia looking at colleges in January with my daughter. Anyhoo, I loved loved loved this book. It's chick-lit-ish, but if you're not crazy about that genre, you might like it anyway. It's one of the few books that almost all of my friends have read, and we all agreed it was fab.]]>
Of course, these were just fantasies--fleeting, unrealistic fantasies that I never planned to follow through with, even if I could have. But I think most people, at one time or another, have wished to just go somewhere new and start over fresh, minus the baggage that adulthood inevitably brings.
Those days more than 20 years ago came rushing back today when I read this article, Man Auctions His Life, on Reuters Oddly Enough site. It seems a bit extreme, but hey, it's his life. (But not for long...)
]]>| You Are Fairly Normal |
 Like most people you are normal in some ways... But you aren't a completely normal person. You're a little weird too! Why You Are Normal: You think fishnet stockings are trashy You think glasses can make someone more attractive If you had to, you rather live without music and still have laughter You would rather be an astronaut than a movie star You check your daily horoscope Why You Aren't Normal: You prefer flat potato chips. You are no longer with your first love You rather screw someone over than be screwed over You prefer non fiction to fiction You find the Chicken Dance to be the more embarrassing dance |
Anyway, although I may not always find what I like in the right size in the stores, I was poking around the other day and found some sites dedicated to fashion and petite women like me. Check them out:
Dear L.C.:Hello there. I was doing some web searching and this seemed like a good place to come to do a little venting and maybe get some advice :) I'm 38 and seem to be having a premature mid-life crisis. I just feel very much unfulfilled in both my personal and professional life. That's disheartening at this stage in life. I always thought that by 38 I would have everything together, yet in many ways I'm still searching.
I guess this was precipitated by a recent breakup. Its not that I'm terribly heartbroken, since we only dated for 2 months, not nearly enough time to fall in love. Its just the manner in which it happened that dealt a blow to my self esteem, and really made me look inward.
It happened last week. We met at a cafe and after finishing dinner he decided to break the news. In my old age I've lost my patience with insensitive men and I was just so annoyed by his business-like demeanor and the whole premeditated, choreographed way he planned things. For instance, he had me meet him there rather than going there together, obviously so we would go our separate ways afterwards. The moment got the best of me and my frustration took over. I sarcastically thanked him for the dinner, got up and calmly walked over to his side of the table and then WHAP! I slapped him across the face and stormed out.
The resounding whack caught everyone's attention and undoubtedly caused him much embarrassment. I feel badly because I know it must have stung and left a red mark. I hope I'm not becoming psychotic. I didn't think I was capable of such behavior. I should swallow my pride and call him to apologize but it's just so difficult to do.
In retrospect, maybe I was more frustrated with myself than with him. The fact that I'm still unattached at 38 and just got dumped in public by someone five years my junior is not very inspiring. I really do feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life, but I'm not quite sure what to do about it.
38 and Frustrated
Dear 38 and Frustrated:
We’re grown women. We’re supposed to have it all together by now. We are supposed to have great careers, gorgeous bodies, and that one, perfect romantic relationship. That’s what we’ve been told right?
Well the people who have fed us that crap are a bunch of idiots. I have a good husband, great kids, a lovely home, a cool job, and I’m still a wreck sometimes. You want the truth? No one has it all together. Some people are just better at looking like they do.
I recently wrote about my mother’s life journey, and how she, at nearly 80, seems to have finally reached a place of peace and bliss. It only took three children, a bad marriage that ended after 30 years, three strokes, and a rapid descent into Alzheimer’s Disease to get her there. That was her journey, and I hope mine doesn’t take me that long, or take me to some of the places she has been. But my point is that there doesn't seem to be a predictable, surefire path toward happiness or having it all together. Maybe our lives are supposed to be a little messy, or very messy, all the time. Maybe it’s the universe’s way of keeping us on our toes. Searching is good. Searching means you’re growing and living a real life.
You are so right—you are at a crossroads in your life, and you can go anyway you want to go right now. This year, as I watched my daughter apply to colleges and plan the new life she will begin hundreds of miles away from me in six months, I was thinking “Man, that is so exciting for her! I wish I was young and had the world at my feet and my life was just a big, blank canvas!” Then I realized that it can be. Okay, I can’t be young like her, and I have been married for almost 20 years, so I won’t be doing much (okay, any) dating. And I still have a husband and teenage son at home to keep up with, so I can't go to out-of-town college either. But I decided I needed to change things up in my life, because although I don't think I'm unhappy at the moment, I can get incredibly bored, and often wonder if I should be doing something else, if I could be just a little happier, if I'm missing out on something. So I started small, and bought the full series set of Sex and the City and have watched almost every episode. (Those are four women who will teach you that being over 35 can be a blast! Even if they are fictional.) Then I bought some new clothes and I overdress for casual occasions, and when people tell me I look great I just accept it and say “Thanks.” I plan at least one “play date” a month with my best friend, and we go out and have three-hour lunches and critique the outfits of all the people who walk into the restaurant. I have explored new parts of my city, and talked to homeless people at Krispy Kreme who just want a “Hot Doughnut Now” like I do. I volunteered to spearhead a huge project at church (an ESL program), even though I am NOT a joiner and pretty introverted, simply because I want to see what it feels like to give the gift of language to someone who is beginning life in a brand new country. It’s my own little “Welcome to America” present to them.
Do something different. Dye your hair, take an interesting class, meditate while listening Enya music, write letters, play the lottery, take a spin class—anything that takes you outside of the life that isn’t satisfying you. I was kidding with my friend the other day about having to go to a dinner party I didn’t really want to go to. She asked me why I was going and I told her: “For the past few years, I have attended almost every event or party I am invited to. My life is boring, and I find that if I take the chance, I almost always have fun or learn something new.”
As for the dude—well, that’s the thing about men. They just aren’t like us women. This guy just might have put together this whole “breakup dinner” with the idea that it was the least painful (for both of you) way to do it. Think about it: no humiliating drive home with him after dropping the bomb; acting like it was a business meal so he could disconnect with the situation; hoping that you might act like it was a business dinner too, so he wouldn’t have to admit he just hurt your feelings after you wasted your precious time on him. Either that or he’s just a cold-hearted jerk, and you’re so much better off without him in your life.
So you slapped him. So you’re not perfect. So what? If it makes you feel better to apologize, then go ahead and send him an e-mail or something. But if you don’t, well, maybe you just did the next woman he dates a favor. Maybe he’ll give her an ending that is a little more respectful because he doesn’t want to get slapped again. If you want to feel better about your breakup, watch the Sex and the City episode where Berger dumps Carrie on a Post-It Note. Then she tells his friends he’s bad in bed when she sees them at a bar.
Cut yourself a break. Give yourself some credit. You don’t have to have it all together, just try to have some fun. That can make not having it all together a little more bearable.