Fortyish is Fab

May 12, 2008

Rest in Peace

The Episcopal deacon put his left hand on top of my daughter's head, and drew a cross on her forehead with his right thumb. He gave her a blessing, as she wept quietly. He read a bible verse to us--my daughter, dh and I, and the three other teenagers sitting on my living room floor, heads bowed in silence. It was Friday. The worst day of her life so far.

DD lost two friends on Friday, May 9th. The pain appears endless and excruciating. I have been that young adult. I cannot tell her the pain will pass, because it won't. I tell her it will just becomes something else in time--a duller pain, a memory. Something that she will carry inside of her for the rest of her life. Just not so close to the surface, as it is right now.

We parents stand by helplessly, offering food and hugs and rides to wherever they wish to gather next. We don't want them to drive, because we know this pain comes in unpredictable waves. We want to take away their suffering, and go through it for them, so that they will all be okay, like they were earlier that day before the news broke. Like teenagers less than two weeks away from graduation. But we can't. We tell them their friends are with them forever, and that they are in God's arms now. And we look into their empty eyes and beg God to give them some peace. Just a moment of peace.

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Filed under: General 40ish | Parenting

May 08, 2008

Graduation Thoughts

In about two weeks, dear daughter and her friends graduate from high school. DD has always been a good student, and will be attending a university to study foreign language translation and political science. I know that I am lucky to have a kid who likes going to school, and lucky to have been able to provide her an upbringing that includes a house, two parents, and stability in all areas of her life.

I was thinking about the upcoming graduation the other day, and about a few of her friends who won't be there, because they dropped out over the past couple of years. One was from another country and just could never seem to overcome the language barrier; one dropped out because she came from an abusive home and made the choices she felt she needed to make to survive; and a third wanted to work full-time to help his struggling family.

According to this msnbc article, Cities cited for low high school graduation rates, 70 percent of high school students in the U.S. graduate with a diploma on time. But more than a million drop out each year. And there have been plenty of articles published online and in print lately about the drop-out epidemic (as some call it).

How do we fix this problem? Here's a good place to start: Solutions for America offers some ideas on Dropout Prevention.

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Filed under: News/Media/Studies | Parenting

April 28, 2008

Goodbye Baby Boy

My Golden Retriever died of cancer at 2 p.m. today.
Goodbye Dylan. Rest in peace. (1999-2008)

rings

April 22, 2008

Do Reps Matter Anymore?

I've been thinking a lot about reputations lately. My thoughts were prompted by the news last week that a local high school teacher was arrested for his inappropriate relationship with a student. Then later that week, a boy I know got into some hot water because he (allegedly) had a little too much fun over spring break, while his girlfriend was back home.

A few weeks ago, I was speaking with dd (who's 18) about reputations and she said it's quite difficult to get a "bad reputation" in high school these days because no one really cares what you do. I don't really buy this argument, but what do I know? I graduated from high school almost 26 years ago. Perhaps times have really changed. Can a teenage boy who has a lovely girlfriend cheat on her and really have no one think badly of him? I doubt it. And after the teen years, reputation is more complicated. If it all turns out to be true, and who knows at this point, can a teacher who cheats on his wife and has a sexual relationship with a student really ever get his good name back?

I once had a boss who told me my biggest flaw was that I "wanted to be liked and have people think well of me." I looked at her and said, "who doesn't want to be liked? Who would choose to have people think badly of them?" When she turned and flew off on her broom (get it?) I suddenly got it: reputation is a concept that means different things to different people. When I worked for a large corporation, I did want to be liked, and also respected. My old boss didn't care about those things, and as a result, was quite disliked and not respected at all.

According to wikipedia:

Reputation is the opinion (more technically, a social evaluation) of the public toward a person, a group of people, or an organization.

wikipedia also states:

Reputation is known to be a ubiquitous, spontaneous and highly efficient mechanism of social control in natural societies.

Whoa. Social control? I hadn't ever thought of it like that, but it makes sense to me. Either way, I will continue to tell my kids that reputation does matter. Because I still believe that it's tough out there, and sometimes, your good reputation is all you have.

April 09, 2008

In the News--Focus on Kids

I haven't done an In the News roundup lately, so I thought it was about time. As I searched the starred items in my Google Reader, I noticed several had something to do with children, so here there are, news stories that focus on kids:

For Little Children, Grown-Up Labels As Sexual Harassers--Washington Post: Children as young as four years old are being labeled as sexual harassers in some states.
Toddlers can no longer get hitched in Arkansas--msnbc.com: No matter how in love they may be, toddlers are no longer permitted to marry in a U.S. state.
Miss Bimbo game--CNN: Lots of people are up in arms about a Web site targeting young girls with some unhealthy (or at least unbecoming) behaviors.
Marching into the mommy wars--Salon: YES I HAVE been on both sides of the fence (WAHM and WOHM at different times) and YES I DO GET IT. So I am dying to see how talented novelist Meg Wolitzer tackles this touchy topic.
My beautiful, drug-addicted boy--Salon: RIght after I finish Wolitzer's book, I am running out to get this one. A journalist chronicles his struggle as the father of an addict. It sounds heartbreaking and brilliant.

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Filed under: News/Media/Studies | Parenting

March 25, 2008

Poopy Talk

Okay, this has me a little freaked out. Salon recently published an article titled The bowel movement. Am I just too prissy for all this talk about poo? When my kids were in diapers, dh and I, and even my friends and I (all young moms at the time), used to chat about poo (which we lovingly called "poopy" when emitted from our precious babies' bottoms). Like "oh my goodness, that antibiotic gave my little princess such runny poopy!" Or "my little angel hasn't pooped in two days! I wonder if he's sick?" You know how young parents can be. But now, apparently, the business of our bowels is creeping into everyday conversation, and is even the topic of a popular book. Hmm. 'Nuf said.

January 12, 2008

Life Goes On...Finally

I feel like I have been in suspended animation for a while. Okay that is an exaggeration. But my family and I did spend the last two months of 2007 waiting to hear the news. The college news that is. And around Christmastime, we heard from three of the four universities my daughter had applied to, one of which is her top choice. She was accepted to all of them (still waiting to hear from one, but it's the last choice) and we can finally stop waiting and start planning.

So what now? It's new terrain for me, as my first-born leaves the nest (for nine months a year, anyway). I alternate between feeling proud of what she has accomplished and the woman she has become, to being a wreck because she's leaving (and leaving me at home with all males, by the way. Who will I shop and get manicures with now?).

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Filed under: Friday Fab Five | Parenting

December 13, 2007

Teens & Retirement

As if we don't get quite enough bad news these days when it comes to teenagers. A recent CBS News story reports: Teens & Retirement: Grim Forecast, Gov't Report Predicts Many Of Today's Teens Will Reach Pension Age With Zero In A 401(k) - CBS News.

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Filed under: Parenting

November 30, 2007

At Least I'm Not This Controlling

Talk about over-protective parents! Check out how far one couple went to stop their daughter from making, what they believed, was a big mistake: Parents guilty after delaying daughter's wedding--msnbc.com

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Filed under: Parenting

September 17, 2007

Prized Possessions

About 10 years ago, my home alarm went off in the middle of the night. My daughter, six or seven years old at the time, ran into the hallway holding a box of her beloved plastic action figures. She thought the house was on fire, and this box of small plastic toys was what she chose, above all her other belongings, to save. It turned out to be a false alarm, and all was well a few minutes later. But the incident did make me wonder about what is important to different people in their lives.

I shared the story on vacation a few years ago, and my friend asked me what I would save if I was faced with a real fire or other such catastrophe. "Besides your family and your pets, what would you take if you could only grab one thing," my friend asked. My first instinct was to say my laptop computer, since my many work-in-progress files, e-mails, digital photographs, and other important documents reside on it. But since I backup all my files on a mini-hard drive, I would really just need that. Still, I didn't want to waste my one choice on a mini-hard drive. There just didn't seem to be much romance in that.

I about it a while longer. My mother's quinceanera portrait from Cuba? My parent's wedding rings? My college diploma? Wedding video? Photos of my children? All important items, yet none of them seemed like an obvious choice. I was baffled.

Then I decided, that I wouldn't grab a thing. I'd make sure my children, dh, and pets were out safely, then run like hell to save myself. No regrets, like "why my mother's photo and not my father's ring?" in the future. It was somewhat surprising to realize that nothing, even sentimental items, is that important to me. Then again, it's also somewhat freeing.

July 22, 2007

What Kind of Future Do Teens Want?

I was reading a review on Salon.com the other day, about Daniel Brook's new book, "The Trap".
According to Salon,

Daniel Brook's new book argues that 20-somethings are forced to choose between living by their ideals or making a living.

Well the book seems to be more about activism, but I started pondering the idea of teens and their future plans. I am the mother of a 17-year-old, and I have many friends who also have kids who are either in late high school or in college or trade school. For a few years, my daughter has been considering a career in education. Since she is now a senior in high school, many people ask about her future plans, and when she tells them she might like to be a teacher, she often is met with this: "Oh, there's just NO MONEY in being a teacher!" Usually she doesn't respond, but sometimes me and my big mouth will chime in "I imagine a career in education is rewarding in other ways" or sometimes even "well we just want her to be happy. How happy are you in your job?" if I don't like the person very much.

The truth is, I can't even count how many people I know, around my age or older, who are absolutely miserable in their jobs. And many of these folks, by society's standards, are quite financially successful. Not that you can't be both happy and successful, but I think many people in my generation--remember yuppies and D.I.N.K.s?--went for the big money jobs, and some let their dreams slip away because they were just too damn scared they couldn't pay the rent. At my old job at a very large corporation, the big joke was that everyone was well-paid but was also either in therapy or divorced or both. But it really wasn't a joke, it was the truth. And in quiet conversations, some of my co-workers would reveal that their jobs were killing them, but they couldn't quit because they had a mortgage/kids in college/needed the health insurance/etc.

I've been talking to lots of teens lately, because there are usually a few at my house every day, and life-after-high-school is on all their minds. And what I'm hearing from them is that they want to be happy--not like their parents, not necessarily driving Hummers, but happy. What a lovely sentiment.

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Filed under: News/Media/Studies | Parenting

July 13, 2007

A Threat to School Security?

I support my local public school system, and I have two kids currently attending my local high school and middle school. Let me just put that out there before I say this: sometimes I wonder what kind of idiots are running some of the public schools in this country, especially when I read something like this:
‘I Love Alex’ earns girl 4-month suspension.

My question is, what ever happened to common sense? Should policy overrule that EVERYTIME? I say this out of sheer frustration, and I bring my own baggage to the table. I still can't help but wonder.

June 25, 2007

How Much is a Stay-at-Home Parent Worth?

It's a question that has been asked often, and several studies over the years have even attached a number to the job. The latest figure was calculated by Salary.com and the result was reported on many Web sites recently (like this Reuters article), and it adds up to $138,095.

I can't say I'm surprised, but apparently, a few folks got their panties in a wad about it. Come on people, it's just a study. Noone is saying stay-at-home moms should be paid $130,000 per year (although that would be lovely) by the government or anything like that. Some people conducted a study to see what all those jobs stay-at-homes do would add up to IF they were part of a traditional, pick-up-your-paycheck-on-Friday kinda job. But hey, it's a free country. Think what you'd like.

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Filed under: General 40ish | Parenting

May 23, 2007

Another Boy Busted

This is an open letter to teenage boys out there, because I keep seeing them make the same mistake. Think of it as a sort of public service announcement:

Dear Teenage Boy:
I want to warn you about an impending danger that may affect your life. I like to call it "Getting Busted on MySpace". Oh, I know, it sounds silly, but just hear an old woman out. I have a teenage daughter and she has lots of girl friends, and all of them have tapped into a wonderful, foolproof way to find out if you're a good guy or not. I am talking about visiting your MySpace everyday.

Let me just tell you how it keeps happening around here. My daughter and her friends get a new boyfriend. "Oh my God! He's soooooooo sweet!" That's what I hear for the first couple of weeks. And "Look Mom! I'm number one on his MySpace top friends! Wait a minute! Who is that girl who's number 2? I don't think I know her..." So I reply "oh honey, that's great." Then I walk into the kitchen and look at the calendar and say something like: "I give it two weeks." And by the end of those two weeks, in many cases (okay, some make it three or four), that boy is history. Because of MySpace.

Okay, it's not exactly because of MySpace, because I actually think a lot of good can come from this gigantic social networking site. The problem is, I keep seeing teens who don't seem tounderstand that if THEY can see what's on their MySpace, well, so can other people, like their significant others. So this week, for the third time, a boy I know got busted for flirting with other girls on MySpace. Is it the end of the world? Of course not, I'm sure he'll be fine in a few days. But honestly, if you're in a "committed" relationship and you go to other people's sites and ask "Are you single?" or go as far as saying something like "damn mami, you're fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Can I have your number?" Or, as in the most daring one I've seen yet: "Hey babe, you like soccer huh? How about you and I play a little one on one?" Well, let's just say your girlfriend is going to find out. And all the "it meant nothings" in the world can't erase what's out there. And by the way, the boy standing in my front yard last night had the most pitiful "deer in the headlights" look on his face and, well, it didn't help him at all, and neither did the subsequent, "How did you find out?" that he saw some strange need to ask at that moment. When you're busted, you're busted. And he was. And he is a nice kid, and you may be a nice kid too. It's just that relationships are difficult for everyone, especially for teens, and putting your life out there on your Web page, well, it just might come back to bite you in the...well, you get the idea.

So, here's my advice: if you want a girlfriend, you might not want to have a MySpace site, or at least, you might want to conduct your shady business with the Private Messaging tool. I'm not condoning flirting with other girls here, I'm just saying, be smart. And be nice. And if you can't, then just be single and flirt all you want.

Sincerely.
L.C.

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Filed under: Meaningless Gab | Parenting

April 24, 2007

Bad Boys, Bad Boys...Watcha Gonna Do?

At 17, a certain teenage girl I know is learning a difficult lesson, and it is this: bad boys often have a certain appeal, and even the smartest girls may not be able to resist that appeal. Their rugged, what-will-he-do-next sort-of charm can be tough to dismiss, particularly when you are the object of his affection. But underneath it all, these guys are, well, still "bad". And I have yet to meet a woman who ended up living happily ever after with a bad boy.

So this girl I know, she's been in and out of love with a bad boy for more than two years now. They've dated a few times, typically for a month or two, and the end is usually quite emotional and disastrous. But in between the dating, she and the bad boy are friends--great friends, in fact, and I think this is why she often ends up dating him again. She, being a sweet young thing who sees a bit of good in everyone, admires his intelligence, sense of humor, and how much he cares about her. She even understands why virtually all her friends roll their eyes at the least, and beg her not to at the most, when she begins to develop "feelings" for him, once again. She says it will be different this time. Then, although he doesn't necessarily treat her horribly, his bad-boy behavior, habits, and problems get in the way and create some big conflict that ends in tears, yelling, and the much-expected "I told you so" from her friends.

So the other day, I was listening to the 2,375th story about how he has disappointed her. I just sat shaking my head, telling her all the things she already knows: She's smart. She deserves better. He isn't boyfriend material. And I make sure to tell her she'll learn from all of this--like I did.

My mistake wasn't just a bad boy, he was Mr. Wrong in every sense of the word. Everything about him was wrong--wrong time in our lives for a relationship, for starters, because I was 19 and he was 20, and the world was at our feet. But instead of chasing my dreams, I ended up chasing him around a lot, trying to take care of him. I spent years trying to fix him--his medical problems, his financial problems, his family problems, his school-related problems. And he was, in the classic sense, a bad boy. He drank too much, used drugs, did poorly in school, got speeding tickets, got into a few fights. He wasn't getting arrested for serious crimes, but I always worried that would be next, so I had to constantly keep an eye on him. It was like being the 19-year-old mother of a grown man. It was exhausting, and now and then, I wistfully look back and wonder what I missed during those years, when I was too young and in love to see that his neediness would never, ever be filled.

Three-and-a-half years of my life, gone, wasted, down the drain. Some laughs, some good times, but mostly not-so-good times. I was a smart girl making some really bad choices. Was it the excitement? My youthful inexperience? Sheer stupidity? Perhaps all three, at different times. And now I am surrounded by teenage girls who are doing the same thing, because the one girl I have been talking about isn't the only one who is falling for a bad boy. And when they're crying and they think the world is over because that bad boy has hurt them, yet again, I tell them this: "It's not you, it's him. You can't fix him, you will never fix him. So go on, make yourself happy. And learn from your mistakes. And from mine."

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Filed under: Meaningless Gab | Parenting

October 24, 2006

Stop Bullying Now

Years ago, I worked for a huge, multi-national corporation. It was a great job, with great pay, and great benefits. But there was one great big problem: my boss was a bully. She didn't look like a bully--in fact, she was a petite, cute women in her fifties who you'd believe was probably quite pleasant if you just saw her. But once I got to know her, I was astounded. She would verbally abuse everyone in her midst, particularly her employees, to the point of intimidation. One of my peers once told me she felt "like a battered wife" in her presence. Although my former boss never crossed the line and physically abused anyone, she did plenty of damage to her employees with the emotional venom she spewed each day. It was one of the worst years of my life.

Some bullies, however, do cross that line, and initiate physical contact with their victims. And when a bully victimizes your child, well...there are no words for the anger and fear it can bring to your home.

Some facts about bullying, from the Stop Bullying Now! Web site, include:

Studies show that between 15-25% of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency, while 15-20% report they bully others with some frequency.
Young people who bully are more likely than those who don't bully to skip school and drop out of school. They are also more likely to smoke, drink alcohol and get into fights.
Children who bully are more likely to get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school. And 60% of boys who were bullies in middle school had at least one criminal conviction by the age of 24.

It's time to take back our schools and DO something. I am tired of seeing kids--mine and others--victimized. It's time to step in and HELP the bullies too--help them regain control of their own lives, and help them get on the right track before it's too late. Isn't that why we're all here? To help each other out, to take care of one another?

I wish the answers were easy. I wish there was a way to make all those kids who are being bullied feel better and safe. I wish I could say this is all hypothetical and not happening in my own family's life, but that would not be true. I just want to see it all end. And I have no idea how to do that.

October 17, 2006

Returning to Life

Well the house of mono is beginning to get a break. My daughter went back to school this week, and other than her fatigue, she feels almost normal. Of course, she has tons of work to make up at school, since she missed nearly two weeks. Two weeks of work, seeing friends, and of course, two weeks of good ol' high school drama.

This has been a strange year for my dear daughter. Last night we joked that her life seems to be trapped in a vortex of chaos and insanity. We're not exaggerating much. This year, she ended a very long-term (1 year) dating relationship, became friends with people she once hated, and became enemies with several she once loved. Her first love (puppy love, at age 14) reappeared unexpectedly after nearly two years, and we learned how much we all missed him. She learned that timing is everything, when we left for vacation and a friend covered her usual shift at her job, and he was robbed at gunpoint. It would have been her if we hadn't been gone. She has been threatened by a troubled young girl, she has changed her lifelong plans to pursue a career in medicine and decided to become a teacher instead. It seems that the changes just never stop coming.

But more recently, when she became ill, I told her that she would learn some things about the people in her life that might be good or bad, but that illness and absence did have a way of teaching us important lessons. And I was correct. It seems that for some people, out of sight equals out of mind. (Like the boyfriend who went AWOL as soon as she became ill.) And for others, seeing their friend suffer brings about their finest, strongest moments. When my daughter's best friend ignored the risk of contracting the disease and showed up at our door with a gift bag full of my daughter's favorite candy and two-dozen roses, I knew my kid had done something very right this year--choose a friend who loves her fiercely. She also learned that her little brother, who may annoy her at times (make that often) would do almost anything to see her happy. He and I went shopping when she was ill, and he kept finding things he thought his sister would like, need, or just make her happy, and badgered me until I bought almost all of them. Despite the fact that he'd been saving his allowance for a while and had a walletful of cash to spend on himself, he was much more interested in looking for things for her. Quite a proud moment for this mama.

So as we move on into a normal, healthy life, I told my daughter to be glad for the lessons mono taught her. That she has true friends after all. That she has a brother who adores her. That you don't miss being healthy until you lose it, so you shouldn't take it for granted. And that those icky, trying, difficult moments in life, in time, will pass.

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Filed under: Health | Parenting

October 10, 2006

Who Have You Been Kissing?

gown As my daughter sits at her computer, she receives a message and lets out a sigh and rolls her eyes. For about the tenth time this week, one of her friends has asked her the question: "So...who have you been kissing?"

It's not that my daughter's moral character is suddenly being called into question by her peers. It's just that she has mono, and almost every time she tells one of her friends, they respond by asking her who she got it from, and who she's been kissing. Well the truth is, she's only been kissing one boy for the past two months, and he doesn't appear to have the disease (At least, not yet.) When she informs her friends that her boyfriend is still mono-free, they typically, although jokingly, add, "then who did you get it from?"

According to the MayoClinic.com:

Infectious mononucleosis (mono), or glandular fever, is often called the kissing disease. The label is only partly true. The virus that causes this disease is transmitted through saliva, so kissing can spread the virus, but so can coughing, sneezing, or sharing a glass or food utensil.

My poor kid is tired, sick, and really doesn't want to hear the question anymore. The truth is that like the common cold she had last month, she has no idea where she picked up that nasty little mono virus. She does work at a drugstore, and is regularly sneezed on, coughed on, and in general contact with sick people each time she goes to work. Her friends just aren't buying the story. And they're really starting to get on my nerves.

Anyway, this week has been draining for all of us here in my house. I moved my son's belongings out of the bathroom he shares with his big sister, because I sure don't want two kids with mono on my hands. I've been e-mailing teachers, talking to high school administrators, and trying to find some way to return to my own normal routine, which doesn't include so many doctors visits and pharmacy visits and spraying Lysol all over everything my oldest child has touched in a week.

So maybe life will get back to normal soon. And all those pesky teenagers will stop asking my daughter about her kissing habits.

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Filed under: Health | Parenting

September 08, 2006

B-U-S-T-E-D

Lately, some of the teenagers I know have been having a hard time. But, I'd also like to think of it as an important time--a time when they are learning some valuable lessons, even if they seem difficult to get through.

Remember when you were a teen, and sometimes you made some bad choices, but really believed that your plan for covering up those choices was so brilliant that you'd never get caught? Yeah, I remember that too. And sometimes, you'd get away with all that dumb teenage stuff. And other times you wouldn't. In the last few weeks, some teens in my life have haven't had the best of luck when it comes to trying to get away with stuff. And to put it bluntly, they've gotten busted.

As parents, we're lucky for those moments when a teen's story falls apart, and we catch them in the middle of making those bad choices teens often make. Not lucky in the "Aha! We caught you!" sense, but lucky that intuition or luck or whatever came into play, and we learned about something our kids were doing that we know could get them into trouble, maybe even hurt them. But you know something? I recall being a teen and learning much more from my mistakes than my successes. I don't expect my kids, or anyone else's kids, to be perfect. I'm just glad that from time to time, the universe interferes, taps us on the shoulder and says "You might want to check little Susie's story out," and we step in before bad choices lead to some very very bad consequences. So thanks universe, for helping us out. Because this parenting stuff sure isn't easy.

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Filed under: Parenting

September 04, 2006

Homecoming Dress Stress

gown Dear daughter (a.k.a. DD) and I spent several days last week looking for a homecoming dance dress. Well, not just a homecoming dress. No, that simply won't do. We had to find the homecoming dress.

DD wanted to stick to some rules, if possible, in our quest for formal gown perfection. They were:

1. It must be short (not super short, but no longer than at the knee).
2. It should be red. If not red, then it definitely must not be black, because too many people wear black dresses to the dance, and she wore black two years ago.
3. It should be different (so no one else is in the same dress) but not too different (so she would not feel awkward).

So of course, we did not end up finding a short, red dress. We did however purchase a long, strapless, black gown with a slight pattern (gray swirls), made from a glittery, stretchy fabric. A long, strapless, purple sequined gown was a close second.

Lessons learned this week:

1. You must take along a friend (your daughter's best friend, preferrably) because mom's opinion means absolutely nothing when it comes to dress shopping.
2. Very few dresses will fit perfectly. When figuring your budget, make sure to budget for alterations as well (unless you can do those yourself).
3. Salewomen will tell your daugher everything looks great. Especially the more expensive gowns.
4. Once you find your gown, check the Internet before you buy. I found the purple gown (a.k.a., our second runner-up) online for $100 less than it was at the formal dress shop. But be careful--some online stores, especially those selling with formalwear, do not take returns.
5. All the arguments, exhaustion, and disappointment will melt away, when your darling daughter steps out of the fitting room looking like a beautiful, elegant woman, and you both realize and say in unison: "Oh my gosh. This is it. This it the one."

August 28, 2006

Middle School: The Silent Years?

boy When my daughter was in late elementary school and early middle school, there was rarely a moment of silence in our home. She cried, yelled, and challenged us on every issue, every day. It began around fourth grade, and it seemed like it would never end. Then when she finally entered her teens, and her hormones and emotions settled down a bit, she returned to being the pleasant girl we remembered, and all was well again. But in the back of my mind, I was scared. Because just as my daughter entered her second year of high school, my youngest child entered his first year of middle school. I braced myself for the conflicts I remembered from a few years before. I didn’t know when the battles would arrive, what they would look like, or how I’d survive it all one more time. But I was sure they were coming.

Now, as my son approaches age 12, I’m still waiting for a hormone-fueled World War III to begin. But you know something? I’m not sure that it’s coming. It has occurred to me that although middle school is not an easy time for many kids, not all of them wear the difficulty of this time on their sleeve. My son, after all, is by nature much quieter than his older sister.

Still, I decided it would be a good idea to be prepared for anything. I read articles, talked to other moms, and had all my own experiences to draw from. Yep, this time, it would be different, because this time, I was ready. Yet my son didn’t want to make things easy for me. He confused me on a daily basis by following my rules, rarely talking back, and having few, if any, yelling matches with anyone in the family. I listened to my friends talk about their own middle-school aged kids, recounting explosive arguments, daily defiance, and even worse behavior. I waited for my time to come, and wondered why my own experiences were so different.

Is it because he’s a boy? Because he’s the youngest child? Because he’s just a laid-back kid? Who knows. I have tried to figure it all out, believe me I’ve tried. But when I couldn’t, I decided it was time for my son and I to have a little one-on-one time, and that’s when I initiated the now-famous (in my family, that is) Wednesday Night Out for the two of us. Perhaps all the turmoil was locked up, deep inside of him. By golly, I was going to get it out of him, no matter what!

“Man, this was going to be great!” I thought to myself. Since my husband and daughter have church-related meetings each Wednesday night, that left me and my son home alone. I decided we’d have dinner at the place of his choosing each week, and we’d just chat up a storm and get to know each other better. I’d unravel the mystery of his confusing little mind (it’s confusing to me, anyway) and I’d just be SO much better at raising a pre-teen this time. Oh yeah, I had it all figured out.

But a glimpse at just one of our nights out, around the middle of the school year, pretty much explains how all of them went. I was sitting across a table from him at our usual restaurant choice, and we just seemed to be looking blankly at each other. Then he took a breath to speak, and I was ready for him to spill it all. “Did you cut your hair, Mom? It looks kinda different,” he said. “No I didn’t, but I did kind of style it differently today! Thanks for noticing! I really wasn’t sure that I liked it…” I trailed off as I noticed he’d begun to watch the big screen TV behind me.

“So how’s school?” I asked. “Good. Fine. Everything’s good,” he said, as he began ripping apart his chicken tenders. “So you’re pretty hungry, huh?” I asked. Oh please let him talk to me. Oh please make this easier. Say something! Please! “Yep, I’m pretty hungry,” he mumbled.

The rest of the evening involved small exchanges of absolutely pointless babble. Well maybe not pointless, because I do appreciate any time I have alone with him. But he never did reveal his feelings on, well, anything. He never did have an outburst and accuse me of ruining his life, like I was so often accused of when my oldest was this age. He just sat back, sipping his root bear, eating his fries, being a perfectly content boy.

So I wait, knowing that it might never happen the way it did with my first child. But I’m ready. Just in case.

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August 04, 2006

My Head Might Explode

Can your brain actually be on overload? I mean, if there's too much on your mind, can your head just explode? Well if that's possible, I think my head is going to go pop at any moment.

Summer vacation is coming to an end, and although I've had two and one-half months to prepare for this, I seem to have been totally caught off guard. My kids have no shoes for school, since they can't wear the flip-flops they've lived in all summer, and both have either outgrown or beaten to death the athletic shoes they have in their closets. Yesterday, I learned that my son has outgrown every pair of jeans he has, and most of his shirts are in pretty bad shape (either too small or too ratty for me to allow him to wear them to school). So next week looks like marathon shopping week for us. Plus, we have to pick up about 500 items from the school supplies list. But who's counting?

My daughter had her wisdom teeth removed the day before yesterday, and she is swollen, in pain, and a general mess right now. As if having a 16-year-old isn't tough enough, this just really stinks for all of us. Not that she's grumpy or anything, but...okay, she's grumpy. Oh man, is she grumpy. She also had to quit her job last week. Long story there, but the sandwich shop where she works was robbed, and her friend had a gun held to his head. Needless to say, the teens that work there were all traumatized, and since some have to work shifts alone from time to time, many of them quit.

In addition, I am looking for some work (freelance or part-time), trying to squeeze in a trip to Florida see my ailing mother, battling some kidney issues, and dealing with the fact that I will be 42 tomorrow. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would (the birthday, not the kidney stuff). Perhaps that's one pleasant side effect from having a cluttered mind at the moment.

July 12, 2006

Whose Kids Are They, Anyway?

dress A couple of months ago, my friend's teenage daughter was stopped for speeding and being out 15 minutes after the mandatory midnight curfew (for kids under 18 who are driving, not to or from work) in my area. When my friend got to the scene, the police officer gave him a lecture about how the police in our area are raising the teens. My friend remained quiet and respectful, because after all, his kid did just break the law. But he was pretty offended to hear the officer--who had just met his daughter--claim that he was raising her and the rest of the teens in the county, and hold her up as an example of what happens when parents don't do their job very well.

Although I have the utmost respect for law enforcement, as do my friends, several of us still debated the issues of this story over dinner one night. Most of all, it made me think about what we parents are responsible for, and what is pretty much out of our control. After 16 years of this parenting business, I'd like to think I've laid some nice groundwork for my kids. I urge them to obey the speed limit, refuse drugs and alcohol if offered, work hard in school, be honest, and all the other stuff we parents know will help them succeed later in life, and even just get through their teens a bit more safely. But the truth is, I am not normally in the car with my teen when she drives, so I have no idea if she's speeding or driving dangerously. And I'm not on the bus with my son, so I don't know how he'll handle it if a kid sits next to him one day and offers him some marijuana. So I say a little prayer each day, asking the Big Guy to keep my kids safe, and I ask them lots of questions about their lives. And I worry. And I hope. Boy, do I hope.

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July 11, 2006

Been Dazed and Confused...

This past week has been...um...I guess you could call it weird. My son has been at sleep-away camp, and it's the first time he's been away from us--more than just an overnight or weekend at Grandma's--in 11 years. It's a very strange feeling to wake up in the house and not have him there. I started really missing him yesterday, when I came across a Web site I thought he'd be interested in. I started to call out for him to come down to my office, when I realized that if I did, nothing would happen. While driving my the car, I've turned around a few times to check the back seat, because it's so quiet. Then I realize why. Because he's not in the car with me. How did he become such a big boy overnight? It's exciting and at the same time a little sad. I just don't have little kids anymore. And never will.

So anyway, another weird thing happened, that I won't elaborate on too much. But yesterday, I learned something about someone I thought I knew, and it makes me wonder why some people would choose to lie. So I started wondering about people and their nature. What it is that makes us who we are? Is it upbringing? Is it genetics? Fate? I don't really know. I've always hated lying, but I do understand that life is complicated, and sometimes, we are all forced to lie a bit. I just don't know if I'll ever understand why someone would choose to lie about something they don't have to lie about. I'm talking about big lies--lies about who you are. And why would a person lie to just a few people, when many others know the truth? Aren't they afraid they will be caught? Isn't it easier to tell the truth, even if it disappoints people for a little while? Because being revealed as someone who lies about something so fundamental has got to be worse than that. And isn't it difficult to live a lie? To wake up each morning and think "God, I hope they don't find out today." I don't get it.

June 16, 2006

Lazy Days of Summer

Dear daughter is having her first-ever job interview at this very moment. She was nervous, and I was nervous for her. I tried to remember what it was like to have my first job interview this morning, tried to conjure up those feelings again--"Will they like me? Will I say the wrong thing? Will anyone ever want me to work for them?" Ugh. Teenager flashbacks aren't all that fun sometimes.

I was one of the lucky ones. Until I was 19, I'd only worked for my father. He had a couple of businesses, and although I worked really hard for him those summers between 11th & 12th grade and while I was home from college, I never had to sit for an interview and answer questions like "What would you do if a customer complains? How do you deal with conflict?" I won't say I was a completely spoiled brat when I was a kid and teen, but I was fairly close to it. And yet, I had a solid work ethic. I cleaned bathrooms, mopped floors, and did some of the other stuff no one else wanted to do while I worked at a golf course and later at my Dad's deli. But my question is: "Do teens really GET that today? Do they understand they have to work hard, and do stuff at work that they would NEVER do at home?" I think cleaning out a clogged toilet--clogged with other people's waste--is a truly humbling experience. Your ego goes out the window when you're ankle-deep in dirty toilet water. Some teens I know are all excited about getting jobs. Then they get one and hate it, and complain about the stuff they have to do. Oh well, welcome to the real world. Sometimes, it just sucks.

In college, I worked in a nice office writing articles, and I was supposed to have just one goal in mind: keep my university in the news. They bought us nice desks and chairs, told us to be brilliant, left us alone, and that was pretty much it. "Do the job well, and we won't bother you and you get to keep this job. Do it not-so well and there is a line of journalism students waiting to take it from you." Quiet intimidation. Well, I must say, it worked.

So my dear daughter may soon embark on her new life of fast food jobs, minimum wages, and all the humbling stuff that goes with it. Meanwhile, my 11-year-old son has turned into a teenager overnight. He sleeps until 11 a.m. each day, and lays around the house, perhaps playing some video games if he feels inspired. He does chores when asked, and recently took care of a neighbor's mail/house/flowers while they were gone. So I guess that's something. Meanwhile, I attempt to find ways to make him more responsible, and perhaps a bit more of a go-getter. If you have any ideas, I'm all ears.

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June 07, 2006

Summer Fun & Teen Fashion

Well I'm feeling feeling almost normal again. It's been quite a week. First of all, I was sick sick sick and just couldn't shake it. And also, dear daughter broke up with her boyfriend, so it's been an emotional roller coaster around here. We're really glad she is moving on, but it's painful to see your child go through these difficult life lessons, even if they are supposed to be pretty grown up. She's doing great and has a date on Friday night with, what I am told, is one of the "hottest boys at school." He better watch out. Mama don't take no crap when it comes to her little girl. Not anymore.

So we went shopping and bought her some cute clothes, for what she calls "her new single life." Picked up this very cute top at Forever 21, to be paired with a pair of white shorts from Hollister. Also found a denim skirt that looks a bit like this one at Forever 21, to be paired with a black tank from The Limited. Did she plan it this way, to need new clothes just in time for her fun, fabulous new life? Who knows. But I was telling her the other day, "This should be the most exciting summer of your life." Aside from ditching the boy, she is 16, driving and has her own car, and surrounded by some really great friends. Until she finds a job, her days consist of tanning by her friend's pool, sleeping late, and talking on the phone with friends. Talk about lucky. All the silly boys in the world can't take away the feeling of being young and beautiful and smart, with summer unfolding before you. She's got parents who love her and a little brother who adores her. Okay, so when she reads this, I am dead meat. Don't worry honey, mommy loves you and is proud of you. And I did buy you new clothes this week, so you can't be too mad at me ; )

May 31, 2006

Memorial Day Recap

My stomach hurts so much I can hardly sit up. Yep, I've got some kind of funk and I feel like death today. At least it started after the holiday weekend. Monday, the four or us went to play miniature golf and ride in go-carts together. It was funny to take my 11 and 16-year-olds there because all the families had little kids. My daughter said: "Well, at least I won't see anyone I know there. So it shouldn't be too embarrassing." Haha. She's so precious.

Darling daughter and I also hit one of our favorite stores--White House Black Market--on Saturday for a bit of retail-assisted mother-daughter bonding. I treated her to this black lace top and a gray tank top. It was her reward for bringing home a 4.0 this semester, despite an Honors Chemisty class that nearly killed us all. I picked up this white crocheted top to wear over a white tank. My reward for--well I don't know, I'll think of some reason later.

Dear son was happy with cash for his stellar performance this semester, which he will put towards more video games, I am sure. By the way, if you have sons in middle school, have you ever noticed that when they sit in a room for a while playing video games, the room really starts to smell? I mean, really smell. Once my daughter came out of my son's room and said: "Oh my God. It smells like pre-teen boy B.O. in there." That pretty much sums up my life. Dodging teenage girl drama and figuring out how to conquer pre-teen B.O. Let me tell you, my life is fascinating.

May 29, 2006

Ode to High School Drama

Well there's lots of high-school bs going on in my house these last few days. So, here's to high school drama--a few quotes you may remember from a fabulous little movie called Pretty in Pink:

Iona: "I have this girlfriend who didn't go to hers, and every once in a while, she gets this really terrible feeling--you know, like something is missing. She checks her purse, and then she checks her keys. She counts her kids, she goes crazy, and then she realizes that nothing is missing. She decided it was side effects from skipping the prom."

Duckie: "His name is Blane? Oh! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!"

Principal: "If you give off signals that you don't want to belong, people will make sure that you don't."

Andie: "I'm going to go. I'm not sad about it. I'm not hurt. I mean, you know, I am hurt, a little bit. But I know if I don't do it I'll just feel a lot worse. I'm just going to go in. I'll walk in, walk out, and come home. I just want to let them know that they didn't break me."

Blane: "Steff. You buy everything, Steff. You couldn't buy her, though. That's what's killing you, isn't it? That's it, Steff, she thinks you're shit. And deep down, you know she's right."

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May 25, 2006

Farewell School Year

There is a lovely calendar hanging on my refrigerator door. Each month, I am treated to a photo of a different flower, and occasionally I will scribble something like "Dad's Birthday" in one of the squares. But that calendar is really more for decoration. Because for the past 11 years or so, my life has been ruled by a different calendar--the county school system calendar. And according to the school system, summer begins tomorrow evening.

My kids are beside themselves with excitement. My oldest is already claiming herself a junior in high school, although she won't be, I tell her, until her final exams are completed AND graded AND those grades are mailed out to moi. My youngest looked a little crushed, because after being low-man-on-the-totem pole for nine months, he was thinking about already calling himself a seventh-grader. But my logic was able to bring him down a notch. Poor kid.

So another school year is almost over. I know I, as do many parents, say this every year, but where did the time go? It feels like just yesterday I saw my little boy hop on the bus and ride off to his first day of middle school. Now, middle school is 1/3 over. My daughter started the year just happy to not be a freshman, but now, her thoughts are all about driving around in her car, getting a job, and what colleges we should start visiting next year. The end of the school year is a sweet time for kids. But for us parents, I'd say it's bittersweet at best. We want our kids to grown up, yet we don't. Because that's just one step further away from us they take. Every year.

I joke about turning my daughter's room into a crafts room if/when she leaves for college, and I tell my son his room will make a great closet one day. Of course, I don't mean that stuff. Well, usually I don't mean it. The thought of being an empty-nester possibly within six years seems kind of cool sometimes. Then at other times, it's an awful feeling, because that means they won't be here anymore. When I had my first child at 25, it never occurred to me that I'd feel anything but scared (pregnancy, birth) and tired (infancy). I was just overwhelmed with those tiny little beings. I never considered the extreme mix of emotions this whole parenting deal would bring me 16 years later.

So tomorrow, when I'm hearing the kids cheer and plan their summer and stay up late just because they want to, I will be happy for them. And just a teeny tiny bit sad for me. Because I'm selfish, and I want my babies to stay babies just a little longer.

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May 08, 2006

Teens Don't Get Enough Sleep? Who Knew?

Until about a month ago, it never failed. Almost every night after I'd go to bed, I'd hear a little tap, tap, tapping coming from the next room. I would get out of bed and swing open my teenager's bedroom door, and catch her red-handed, text messaging her boyfriend, or best friend, or both.

"It's time to go to bed. NOW," I'd say. "Oh right. Yeah. I was just...finishing...this one...message."

Enter, the 10:30 p.m. rule: no talking on the phone or text messaging after 10:30 p.m. on weeknights. She thought it sounded harsh, but dh and I thought it sounded lenient. So we've been giving it a try, and so far, so good. If she gets caught breaking the rule, I take the phone. For as long as I'd like. Bwahahaha. Mean mommy.

But you see, I'm not really mean, because I'm doing this because my daughter simply doesn't get enough sleep. And the other day, I found an article that was no surprise to me at all, about this very topic. According to this MSNBC article, titled: Drowsy teens dozing off at school, on the road:

America is raising a nation of sleep-deprived kids, with only 20 percent getting the recommended nine hours of shuteye on school nights and more than one in four reporting dozing off in class.

But what scared me even more than that was this line:

Many are arriving late to school because of oversleeping and others are driving drowsy, according to a poll released Tuesday by the National Sleep Foundation.

Where I live, there are TONS of teenagers driving--driving to school, driving to work, driving everywhere. So this trend pretty much terrifies me. And to make matters worse, my own teenager began driving by herself last month. So now, I have a whole new driving-related thing to freak out about.

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Filed under: News/Media/Studies | Parenting

April 21, 2006

Almost Another Teenage Tragedy

According to this article on MSNBC:

"Five high school students were expected in court Friday on charges that they fully intended to go on a shooting spree at their high school — a plot officials said was foiled when one of them discussed it on a Web site."

Apparently, the Kansas high school students, aged 16 to 18, planned for the attack to occur on the anniversary of the deadly, 1999 Columbine shooting spree. Authorities were tipped off to the planned attack when a woman who found threats on a MySpace site contacted them. Perhaps this is one case where the existence of the much-maligned MySpace social networking site may well have helped prevent a horrible tragedy.

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Filed under: News/Media/Studies | Parenting

Friday Fab Five: Some Cool Mom Blogs

Okay, I could just post a list of sites that are already in my blogroll and link sites of online moms I know a little bit or get frequent comments from. But the journalist in me wanted to create an unbiased, I-have-no-affiliation-to-these-people list of mom blogs I enjoy.

So without further adieu, here 'tis:

1. CityMama
2. Mother Talkers
3. Stranded in Suburbia
4. Incoherent Ramblings of a Punk In Suburbia
5. Artsy Mama

Sorry I have no time to write a little review for each site--I'm busy, busy, busy today with all sorts of meaningless junk. But they're all great sites, I promise, so go visit! And have a fab weekend : )

And don't forget to visit my renter!

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Filed under: Friday Fab Five | Parenting

April 14, 2006

Coolest Gift for a Teenage Girl

My daughter will soon be a licensed driver, and a few weeks ago, I was looking for a birthday gift for her. Of course, she has just about EVERYTHING she needs (not everything she wants, but most everything she needs). So I was trying to think of something that was just really cute, different, and maybe even a little practical for a girl her age, when I found the Safety Girl Roadside Emergency Kit. This fabulously clever kit includes all you need for on-the-road emergencies, like:

an emergency blanket
instructions for changing a flat tire and jump-starting a battery
bandages
safety matches
and other safety items.

But every girly girl knows looking and feeling fabulous will also help you get through a true emergency, so the brilliant chicks at Safety Girl have also included:

aromatherapy headache remedy
deodorant
tampons
a nail file
a piece of chocolate
and other fun stuff, all contained in a cute, pink, lunchbox-style tin.

Brilliant. Simply, brilliant. And my daughter and her friends love it.

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Filed under: Parenting | Shopping

April 12, 2006

When Your Babies Aren't Babies Anymore

The day after I graduated from college, I overheard my parents having what seemed to my 22-year-old self to be a strange conversation. They were talking about how their youngest child was now a full-fledged adult, and soon, their nest would be completely empty of their offspring for the first time in more than three decades. My father sat in silence for a long time, and then turned to my mother and said "what now? It's kind of like dying isn't it?"

My mother insisted that it wasn't, but in a way, she was wrong. Part of their lives did die that day. They'd been parents for such a long time, they couldn't figure out how to be anything else. A few weeks later, my parents separated, and a few years after that, their divorce was final. Of course, there were many other factors at play here, but I think the fact that their baby was leaving forced them to examine their lives very closely. They decided they'd be happier apart, and there was nothing holding them in their unhappy union any longer, since I was leaving and moving to another state.

When my oldest child turned 16 yesterday, I remembered that day back in 1986, and I started thinking about milestones in general. I remember feeling sad when my son began kindergarten, and also when he finished elementary school. Like I was to my parents, he is the baby in the family, and his milestones represent the beginning of one stage, but the sometimes-sad end of another. At his fifth grade graduation, I turned to my husband and said "we'll never have another child in elementary school again." Then I realized why so many of the women around me were crying.

So now I am the mother of a 16 year old, and I have no idea how that happened. I am excited for her, because teenagers are so in love with the world, as they explore and learn and grow into adults. I am scared for what she sees everyday, the responsibilities she will soon have, and the world my generation is handing her. And for myself, I feel just a bit of what my father might have felt on the day I graduated. I still have a younger child at home, and I don't really feel like a part of me is dying. But for a moment yesterday, I felt a deep, sad loss. Because my little girl isn't a little girl anymore. And I'll never have one in my house again.

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Filed under: General 40ish | Parenting

March 28, 2006

Driving Dangers--Haven't We Learned Anything?

style As my daughter nears the big 1-6, I worry more everyday. It's not really because she's a terrible driver, because she isn't. If anything, she goes a bit too slow sometimes, and while that can be a bad thing, at least she's still scared to drive too fast. But I tell her, as we moms are fond of saying, "I trust you, it's everyone else I don't trust."

She gets it now, I believe, largely because of something that happened to her last weekend. She and her boyfriend were on their way home from dinner, and were just a few miles from our home. It wasn't late but it was dark out already, and rather than sit dead stopped, bumper-to-bumper, on the busy main road home, they took one of the many low-traffic side roads. As they were coming up a hill, they spotted something in the road and stopped. It wasn't an animal or anything like they'd originally thought. It was another car, coming at them in their lane, with no lights on. Neither my daughter nor her boyfriend (a good driver, from what I've seen) knows whether it was a mistake by the other driver or a game of "chicken" they'd stumbled into. But they did say that they were able to stop, and the car coming at them swerved and passed them at a high rate of speed. Scary stuff.

This came just days after my own little incident on the road involving a car full of teenagers. I was sitting at a traffic light, and cars were stopped in front of me, to my left, and to my right. I heard an ear-piercing screeching sound and when I looked in the rear view mirror, I saw a car driven by a teenage girl coming up behind me. For some reason, she didn't seem to notice that ALL the traffic in front of her had stopped. She hit the brakes, and her car screeched and swerved to a frenzied stop, sending smoke and the smell of burning rubber all around. She managed to stop about a foot or two behind my car. When I saw her coming, I braced myself for impact--I had nowhere to go because cars were all around me. I understand everyone makes mistakes, but what I found really upsetting was that when the girl finally stopped, she and her car full of passengers (three other teens) erupted into hysterical laughter. The man in the car next to me started yelling at them, and they yelled and laughed back. It was all a game.

Directly to the left of where all this took place stood four wooden crosses, hammered into the ground, with flowers and teddy bears and notes surrounding them. This was the precise spot where four local teens were killed in a high-speed accident in January. I wondered if anyone, teens or adults, could learn from all the tragedy on the roads of my community. I'm still waiting, and I just don't know the answer.

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Filed under: General 40ish | Parenting

March 11, 2006

Parents Get Info on Internet Dangers

Predators are still targeting children on the Internet. And many popular Web sites that allow kids and teens to make online diaries and even post pictures can give those predators easier access to kids than ever.

Check out this New York Time article--Don't Talk to Invisible Strangers --to see how some communities and schools are responding and taking steps to inform parents and protect kids.

Posted by L.C. at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Filed under: Parenting

March 07, 2006

My Life in Her Hands

jeans

Sometimes I sit on my hands when I'm in the passenger seat of my car. Not all the time, though, and not as much lately as I did a few months ago. It may sound strange, unless you have a teenager who's learning to drive. Then you probably understand exactly what I'm talking about.

I sit on my hands because when your kid starts driving, you have to work really hard to stifle the Mommy Car Safety Instinct. You know, the one that makes you swing your arm out in front of your child when you are driving and you hit your brakes suddenly. I'm pretty sure it's the same instinct that makes you want to grab the steering wheel when your teen is about to make a big mistake when they’re learning to drive. If you're not quite tempted to snatch the wheel from them, you might just feel compelled to grip the door handle or anything you can find to stabilize yourself when you're sure they’re about to hit a curb or a mailbox or anything else.

I'm trying to be a patient mom, really, I am. But placing my first-born in control of a 5,000-pound vehicle, well, it isn't easy. But what can I do? I gave birth to her, raised her, watched her ride an emotional roller coaster through middle school, and now I'm letting her drive. As much as I'd like to keep her safe and in the nest as long as possible, I know that would be a mistake. She's growing up, and will be a woman soon. And I have to let her become one.

I'm just happy she doesn't hate me anymore. Around the time she turned 14, she said: "I know I was a pain in the butt to you and Dad when I was in 6th and 7th grade. I'm sorry, I just really hated you guys." So I asked her, "Do you hate us now?" She said "Nah. It was too exhausting to hate you guys all the time. I'm glad that's over.”

Yeah. I'm glad it's over too.

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Filed under: Parenting

March 05, 2006

20 Kids Suspended Over Web Site Post

Have you seen this article--20 Calif. Students Suspended Over Web Site?

A middle schooler allegedly posted threatening comments about another student on his MySpace site. He invited other students to view the site, and some of them did. When the school learned of the site, they contacted the police, and the boy who wrote the comments may be expelled. AND they suspended about 20 students who VIEWED the site.

I'm all for the boy who wrote the post being held accountable for his actions, no matter how old he is. It's important for the safety of the student who was threatened, and for the boy who is accused as well. But as the parent of a teen and a pre-teen, the idea that the students who viewed the site were suspended scares me. Both my kids have gone to Web sites that weren't quite what they expected. Will they be punished for their innocent mistakes one day, too?

Posted by L.C. at 10:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack
Filed under: Parenting

February 21, 2006

A Community Mourns

My community has been mourning for a week now, for the same reason that communities across the country have mourned at one time or another. A story that reads almost same, over and over again, year after year. A perfectly normal Monday. High school students riding in a car after a team practice. A curvy road, excessive speed, a hill, trees. Impact. A moment. A single, sad, moment in time that changed everything.

Four boys alive, but one didn’t make it. At school, teenagers sat in the halls and cried. They drew pictures and typed bible verses and walked around in a daze. Some were angry, some felt guilty, and some didn’t feel at all.

Signs in front of neighborhood stores spell out the grief. “R.I.P”. And they ask us: “Pray for the families”.

We pray. And we weep.

Posted by L.C. at 10:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack
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February 15, 2006

What I Learned About Teens This Weekend

On Super Bowl Sunday, my home was invaded by eight teenagers. Well, actually it was invaded by seven. One of them lives here (my daughter) so I guess I can't accuse her of invading her own home.

Anyway...I learned a few things that night about these hormonal, loud, soda-drinking, pizza-loving creatures that night:

1. Teenage boys can really scarf down pizza. And they don't need a plate, a napkin, or anything. They just stand over the pizza box and shove it into their mouths.

2. Teenagers do not know street names, even in their own towns. Whenever I try to give directions to my house to a teen, I have to give landmarks ("pass the drugstore, and turn right at the shopping center that has that really good rib place..."). And asking them to write the directions down as you tell them is futile. They aren't going to do it.

3. Most breakups are now done strictly through technology. When your boyfriend or girfriend is breaking up with you, you will receive a text message/AIM message/e-mail from them stating that the relationship is over. It's good for people who are not good at breaking up with someone, and it allows the recipient of the breakup message to save face by crying in private.

4. With their friends, they have few (if any) physical boundaries. Four or five of them will cram onto my small-to-average size couch, and they're all smashed up against each other. Yet when my daughter's little brother is next to her in the car or on the couch, I often hear the complaint "Mooooooooooooooooom! His foot is touching me! Make him stop!"

5. And last but not least, the couples leap apart when I walk into the room, because they think I really don't know what they are doing when I'm not around. Yeah, like I was never a teenager. I'm not going to scream if I see you give your boyfriend a smooch. But have some dignity and don't make out in your friend's house when her parents are home. (Or anywhere else. Ever. If you're one of my kids, that is.)

Posted by L.C. at 05:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack
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